Nexplanon: Spawn of Satan

I want to apologize for not posting anything this week. I have been really stressed out about a recent event that had literally needed all my attention. I recently (yesterday) went to the doctor’s office to have my nexplanon removed. For those who don’t know what the heck I’m talking about… Nexplanon is a type of birth control. It’s a plastic rod small than the size of a cigarette, that is implanted in your arm just under the skin that slowly releases hormones in the span of 3 years. It basically replaces the “pill” so you don’t have to remember to take birth control every day. *IMPORTANT* If you’re queasy or just plain grossed out by bodily functions I advise to not read further!

So to continue, I had this little devil taken out of my arm. I have had it for a little over a year and I was absolutely relieved to have it out of my body! I say this for multiple reasons.

  1. I’ve been on my period for 3 weeks STRAIGHT!
  2. I have had the worst mood swings EVER, going from happy-go-lucky, to down right “I will break your hand if you touch me”
  3. I gained 15 pounds of water weight and fat!
  4. I am covered in acne!

However it wasn’t this bad to begin with. It was actually amazing! Let me back up just a little bit more. I decided to go with alternative birth control (as opposed to the pill) because I tend to be forgetful and not take my pill one day or at worse, several. So I decided to try the Nexplanon. It was awesome…at first. Two months in I began to have lighter periods and less cramping and bloating. Before my period was like total shark week in the pits of Hell. It was like bulldozers inside my uterus violently scraping chunks of lining and blood and dumping it out my vagina. The cramps radiated down my thighs and up my back and hips, like a crushing bear hug by an elephant’s foot! Sorry… that was a little much… but that’s my period in a nutshell. Anyway, after being on the Nexplanon for a few months, my period completely stopped! It was a MIRACLE! it was actually quite funny to joke with other women when they were on their period, telling them “Well, I haven’t had MY period in 10 months!” But all joking aside, it was nice. Yes I gained weight but it wasn’t too bad because when I lose weight the first thing that goes is my boobs. And I like my big boobs.

So up until December everything had been great, then it took a turn for the worst! I started my period again. “Ok, I can deal with that. Once a month, 7 days. You’ve been doing that for the past 6 years.” But that wasn’t just it. My period would finish after a week…then come back only 2 weeks later! Like seriously!? WTF! And that’s not even the “best” part. I was kind of getting used to that bu then my period would last longer than a week! inching into the 10-12 day mark! So I decided to get checked out. The doctor said it’s pretty normal for that to happen. Which was something I already knew! But ok I got a second “professional” opinion. Now I was ON my period when I saw the doctor…fast forward 3 1/2 weeks later… I AM DONE!

That was Tuesday. I called the doctor, scheduled an appointment, and just did it. Got this demon thing out of me! I am back on oral contraceptives which is what I was taking prior to the Nexplanon. So I know what to expect. I’m actually excited. Ocella (the birth control) has been known to control acne, promote weight loss, aid cramping and discomfort, and of course prevent pregnancy. It’s actually the exact birth control I was on before all this!

4 thoughts on “Nexplanon: Spawn of Satan

    1. I’d say about a week to two weeks. Just be sure to keep it clean, last thing you want is an infection. And there will be a tiny scar, it personally doesn’t bother me but just so you know.


    1. It really is an awful invention. I will say the only pro: not having to remember to take a pill everyday. but personally I think I can handle that responsibility if it means not bleeding every day for 3 years lol


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