Behind the Smile

I’ll be honest. I suffer from anxiety and depression. Last year was one of the best years of my life. But it wasn’t always sunshine and rainbows. I am utterly grateful for everything I have and everything I have done. But living with anxiety and depression can sometimes be so crippling, your world seems to be falling apart around you. And I’ll be the first to say…it never did. I still had my physical health. My family is doing alright. My boyfriend is loving and kind, helping me every step of the way. Anxiety and depression are like the angel and the devil on your shoulder…except they’re little gnomes that are only negative and worrisome. One nagging in your ear saying your not good enough and should just give up. The other just crying and giving you no hope for happiness. It sucks.
But I am learning to cope. I know I have it. I know those intrusive thoughts will come. But my plan is to be ready. Be prepared with positive thoughts, memories, and emotions. The best way to drown the negative… is to drown it with positive. Fill my head with every happy memory I can think of. Rationalize what is happening.
These episodes are a constant battle but with my positive thinking and the help with my boyfriend, I know I will get better. Everything is perfect, I have everything I could ever imagine. My mind just likes to think the world is out to get me.


Processed with VSCOcam with c9 preset


Processed with VSCOcam with c9 preset



4 thoughts on “Behind the Smile

  1. Hey Nickitea! Thanks so much for the follow. I’m absolutely loving your blog and am so glad you found mine. You’re absolutely adorable and you write so well. I can totally relate to this post, especially today!
    Looking forward to checking out more of your stuff 🙂
    Rosie xo

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I too suffer from depression and have for years. And sometimes every when I’m smiling on the outside, I have a million things tugging at my emotions on the inside. I say this to let you know, I can absolutely relate. And I appreciate your candor and opening up about something that is so personal.

    Keep doing what you’re doing!

    Liked by 1 person

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