A Happy Person

“I can’t go back to yesterday – because I was a different person then.”-Lewis Carroll
I can tell you this, I had a hard past. I went through a lot. I try to tell myself that; the past Tatiana is not who the present Tatiana is. But I will say, trauma stays with you. Fear stays with you… Humans are hardwired to learn from mistakes, that’s how we survive. But that’s looking at life, human life, primitively. Times have definitely changed…and worrying about fear and past mistakes are…well a thing of the past. Yes we should keep in mind the things we learned from the past, but we shouldn’t let the emotional trauma keep hurting us into our present self.
Trying to let go and not let the past affect the “now” is something I struggle with. Suffering from anxiety and depression, my mind wants so badly to compare the past pain to today’s potential. That’s why I have invested my heart and mind into thinking about now. What’s happening NOW. The Positivity Blog is where I have come across numerous quotes, advice, and tips on living a fulfilling life. Henrick has been through and thought about a lot of what many anxiety/depression sufferers have.
After reading nearly every archived post, my way of thinking has drastically changed. Henrick offers some great advice that really questions that inner voice and challenges your mind to think… “Will this affect me in 5 years?” I like to think more short term when my mind likes to have “episodes” like: “will this affect my life in a year?” or “Is me getting upset or worried worth it?” “What can possibly go wrong?” Not to be morbid, but dying unexpectedly has crossed my mind. I have almost been in several car accidents this year alone and to think the last conversation you had was an argument over something trivial. I don’t want to go out like that. Turning a bad thought into a positive one while still being realistic, why live angry? That’s why I have turned my perspective around. I’m grateful that every morning that I actually woke up. I’m grateful that food and water is so accessible to me. I’m grateful that I have the ability to help others when they aren’t as fortunate. Yeah sometimes I am that person that just hates humanity and the world. It’s easy to be the victim. It takes more effort to think positively…but it has the better reward. You feel great about yourself; you see the beauty in everything. It’s just a matter of turning your thinking around.
Is the glass half full or half empty?
Well I just drank that water, so I’m grateful that its nourished me, and now I’m going to get some more! Double positive/realistic whammy! Approaching a situation differently than you normally would can really open your eyes to what’s truly important.
There are times when I get angry for no reason at all but because my anxiety likes to overthink the worst. I’m learning to take a step back and really look at it from an outside perspective. If someone I know was thinking irrationally, how would I help? Is what they’re getting mad about reasonable? Sometimes I just get so worked up that I give into the bad thoughts… but thinking outside the box and really questioning myself (in my head) has calmed me down a lot.
“Relationships-of all kinds-are like sand held in your hand. Held loosely with an open hand, the sand remains where it is.
The minute you close your hand and squeeze tightly to hold on, the sand trickles through your fingers. You may hold onto some of it, but most will be spilled.
A relationship is like that. Held loosely, with respect and freedom for the other person, it is likely to remain intact. But hold too tightly, too possessively, aand the relationship slips away and is lost.”
– Kaleel Jamison

This quote has really stuck with me. And I don’t mean “yeah I know this one quote…its really good…something about sand…” No I remember it verbatim. Mainly because I’ve acted this way before. I’ve been hurt so badly in the past that I think the harder I hold on the less likely they will let go…but they always do. I tend to be a perfectionist, goes hand in hand with overthinking anxiety. I try to control the relationship in my head. This is how it should be, always playing the victim. Learning to love in a way that lets the other grow and thrive is what makes a relationship last. I like to watch from the “sidelines” now and see my own relationship thrive when I’m letting my partner thrive. It’s like people watching. It’s like cheering from the dugout. You’re on the same team. You’re that positive support that wants nothing more than for them to be happy. And that’s how relationships should be…are meant to be.
I watch as my own relationship blossoms and we fall more in love with each other because we are both living our life together, not living to please one another.
I am learning to see the beauty in everything by surrounding my thoughts with positive influences and positive people. Unhappiness is bound to happen. It’s life. And Happiness is not avoiding Unhappiness. Learning to cope with what life throws your way is what can turn you into an overall happy person. And that is what I want to be.



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