Body Built For a Vegan

Ok, let me begin by saying I consider myself “veganish” because, let’s face it I’m human and I’m prone to mistakes, slip-ips and of course infamous cheat days. But for the most part, my lifestyle is VEGANish. On a day to day basis, I eat a 99.9% plant based diet. Sometimes I just want a fucking cookie…but here is the thing…my body rejects the FUCK out of that cookie! And it wasn’t always a heartless bitch, there was a time when I could eat all the cheese, milk, and sweets to my stomach’s content.

That body…is long gone. I can’t STOMACH the sight of meat, it makes me physically nauseous when walking down the butcher isle. Shit literally hits the fan during people’s birthday cake eating ritual, and if I even so much LOOK at a cookie…my stomach literally rips itself open like the 1982 The Thing.

My body is no longer built for a meat-lovers pizza… Veganism is literally the only way I can live a comfortable lifestyle… and I’m ok with that.

I have read numerous articles about how people are “meathooked” and are just simply obsessed with meat. Also that human bodies are really built to efficiently process on a plant only based diet.

Most of it makes sense, like if you wanna go to the argument of cavemen being meat eaters…well that’s great and all, so let’s humor you for a second. Cavemen didn’t have meat plants that house a number of animals that LITERALLY outnumbers that of the human population. Nor did they have the luxury of running to your nearest super market to grab a nicely packed non bloody gore fest of a tenderloin. If you want to make the “caveman” argument, great yes we ate meat, but in small quantities… like try having to run a goddamn marathon every time you wanted a steak you ron swansons (no hate, I really love ron swanson) it was a lot different waaaay back then. Fruit, veggies, seeds, and nuts are what we were really eating to sustain ourselves. Cuz lets face it, you’re not having to chase and spearhead… an apple…

I would also like to point out that our bodies have adverse effects when it comes to eating a heavy “meat only” diet. Let’s rattle them off:

  • type 2 diabetes
  • coronary heart disease
  • stroke and
  • certain cancers

Not to mention

  • inflammatory diseases (allergies, lactose intolerance)
  • gallstones
  • Prostatic hyperplasia
  • Rheumatoid arthritis

Like WTF?! The biggest one for me has been chronic undiagnosed stomach and intestinal pain. I would like to think its IBS but an allergy test came back to find that I have a sensitivity to both lactose and egg white…imagine that.

Some people like to joke and say “Funny, it seems that your problems started when you went full vegan. Do you think eating too many vegetables is causing your stomach pain?”


Let me point out that I went full “veganish” BECAUSE of my stomach pain… I will admit some veggies do cause gas and discomfort, but nothing as unbearable as when I decided to be a fatass and eat a doughnut or a cookie!

So you may not think you’re built to be a vegan, but I do. And I’m not only helping my body be happier, I’m helping my world to be humane-er.


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