Personal Policies

This is a term I learned literally a week ago. Sarah Hawkinson and Muchelle B. from YouTube both talked about it and implement it into their everyday lives.

If you have no idea (like I did) what the heck a personal policy is, it is an idea sparked from the book The Life Changing Magic of Not Giving A Fuck that says you should list out things you won’t spend your time giving a fuck about.

What is a personal policy?

Still confused? Ok here we go, basically in our day to day life, there are things we dread doing or are anxious when we think about doing them and would reeaally not want to do anymore but continue to because that’s just how we live, in a constant state of fear and unease.

A personal policy is basically telling yourself, you know what, my happiness is the most important thing in my life and there are these things I know bring me unhappiness that I should just STOP doing.

Now this doesn’t mean stop paying bills… that is adult stuff you have to do. But little things that you can totally avoid if you really set your life up to focus on just things that make you happy.

For example here are some of my personal policies:

  • I will not let people dictate the way I feel about not wanting to go out in the sun. If I don’t want to go out in the sun, I AM NOT GOING TO and that is fine.
  • I will take care of myself and give my body ample rest by going to bed at a reasonable time every night. AKA 9:00pm bedtime
  • I will protect myself and put my well-being first by NOT BEING ON MY DAMN PHONE AND DRIVING!

Make sense? Basically I will not let anyone force me to be in the sun because it makes me uncomfortable and as an adult I deserve my comfort to be understood at the very least. I don’t have time for haters saying I’m an old lady because I want to go to bed early, I love sleeping so Imma damn well get my beauty rest! And lastly, staying off my phone not only benefits me but everyone around me

I always thought about things like this, like the sun one. As adults when start learning about self-love and what we can do to make ourselves truly happy, maybe it’s a good place to start at things you don’t like and set up boundaries. If staying away from certain situations or people make you happy, then YES do it! But you can’t run from jury duty… that’s the only exception.

I’m Getting Married!

WHAAAAA!? ok so this is mainly why you haven’t seen me since my Mammoth trip. Sorry not sorry! I am thoroughly enjoying my time living life with my FIANCE! Taking a little hiatus with social media and especially with the blog. I hope you aren’t too mad but when you get engaged that’s like the only thing on your mind!!

Proposal selfie with my soon to be hubby and proposal ring!

With that being said, I won’t make any promises about sticking with posting regularly again or just leaving the blog all together while I enjoy my engagement and wedding planning but I want you all to know that I’m not dead! I am alive and well! You are more than welcome to follow me on my Instagram and aerial account to stay updated on my life and the wedding plans!

Seemed appropriate with this giant rock on my finger!

So thank you all for being understanding, now I’m going to enjoy being all engaged as fuck!

Living with pain

Living with chronic pain can be a literal pain in the ass. And if you are like me, you are constantly met with older individuals that claim, “You don’t know what back pain is, wait till you get to be my age.”

Listen, this is not a competition or pity party. I am in pain literally every damn day and I don’t need your damn comments. I don’t need to justify or prove to anyone what I am going through. The only time I tell anyone my back hurts is when it’s crippling and I’m on my last leg. I’ll even say “my back hurts.” To get out of things; not because I don’t want to do it, but because I physically CAN NOT.

But yes there is a stigma behind being young and in pain. We only complain because we don’t want to do something, or were bored seeking attention.

When you live with an invisible chronic pain or illness, the last thing you want is people to feel sorry for you or think that you’re untrustworthy or a slacker. I hate when my back debilitates me so much that even the act of sitting down to enter codes is unbearable. It’s my job to sit and be on a computer. I’m not throwing bales of hay on my back, and then complaining about back pain. That is understandable. But just because I’m not working a labor intensive job, doesn’t make my back pain any less real or crippling.

Even though my back pain was brought on suddenly, it was because of years of overworking it. It’s also because I may have fucked it up on a failed attempt at the long jump, and even because I have a slight case of scoliosis. So it has never been pin-pointedly confirmed WHY I have back pain. But I do. And it fucking sucks.

On extremely bad days, the only comfort I get is laying in a fetal position, praying someone will rip my spine out of my back just so I don’t have to feel the pain anymore. I cry because it is so unbearably painful, and I cry harder because there is nothing that I can do. It’s there and it will always be there. I think to myself, “I don’t even remember what it feels like to not have any kind of pain. What is that even like? To not have to squirm around to try and discreetly stretch out the knots in your back. To sit through an entire movie.”

On good days, I get a false sense of hope that maybe my back is getting better, maybe I don’t need to go to the chiropractor anymore. Maybe I don’t need to take an ungodly amount of pain killers just to function.

Chiropractors, massage therapy, exercise, acupressure, electro therapy…all of it really does help me. It helps me feel like I am making progress and reduces the amount of times I have muscle spasms and the hours in which I am paralyzed with pain. But it will always be there. I have to take each day at a time. I want everyone to be aware that ANYONE can be suffering with some kind of pain. Young, old, male, female… And only we understand how it feels. I just want people to understand that everyone is dealing with something. I want people to please be considerate.